Friday, October 28, 2011

Words of comfort

Funny how in a time like this people want to say things to make me feel better - but in reality, they are trying to make themselves feel better.  It is human nature, when someone is hurting, to say something to make the hurt go away - as if by saying something you have done your part.  Things are better now and the relationship as it once was, can go on.  It isn't that easy.  Sometimes when one is hurting, you don't want to be consoled, being consoled makes you feel as though it isn't okay to hurt, or to be sad.  That you are wrong to have these feelings.  Sometimes the best words of advice are nothing.  Or, as my dad said after the first miscarriage, Shit!  Yup - that simply sums it up...shit! Sometimes there is nothing more needed.

Words like "you are strong" "I am sorry" "If you need anything . . ." "you will be a mom one day" are fine and appreciated, don't get me wrong, but allowing someone to feel the pain they need to feel - now that's consoling. Allowing a person to be sad and validating their right to be sad is much more appreciative and shows a deeper understanding of what the person is going through.

Miscarriages are hard and awkward.  Unless you have been down the same path, you have no idea how it feels. As in all things in life, each one is probably different as well.  How one person deals and copes is different than how another person would.  Having 2 - well... there are no words to accurately describe how I feel right now. I am strong - yes I know this.  I will survive - of course I will.  Am I sad...hell yes! Please allow me to feel the things I need to feel.

1 comment:

  1. I just found you through LFCA. I lost my son in April 2010, Blaine. Even being in this sadness for over a year now, I still admit to not having any idea what to say people. All I want people to say is "I'll remember him."