Sunday, July 29, 2012

Welcome to the 3rd trimester!

Wow - I can hardly believe that I am officially in the 3rd trimester!  This pregnancy thing is definitely for real now!  In 90 days (give or take....hopefully take) I will be meeting our Dragon baby for the first time.  It is such an incredible thing to think about!

In reaching this milestone - I have also reached others in terms of pregnancy symptoms.

Here is a breakdown of how things are going lately:


- Emotional, hormonal surges are on the rise.  Last week, I broke down for no other reason than hubby went back to sleep after he had woken me up.  I was bawling my eyes out...and then when he started to laugh at the ridiculous of the situation, so did I...which made me cry even more.  It was bizarre.  Yesterday, we upgraded my cell phone.  We left the store knowing that things should be up and running in 1 hours time.  When an hour came and went and I had zero cell service, I called customer service.  She told me there was nothing that could be done until a level 2 tech rep called me back in 48 hours.  I then called my provider's account management department - thinking maybe they could check my account and see if it was activated properly.  Well, the guy I spoke with was HORRIBLE.  He ridiculed me for calling back when I had my answer from the previous technician (even though I THOUGHT I was calling 2 separate departments).  He said the only thing a person over the phone can do is tell you to take out the battery and restart your phone.  Anyways, I was so angry at how he treated me, and so upset I started to bawl.  It was aweful!  We finally went to another phone store that was still open, and it was my sim as soon as it was changed around, things were good to go.  What an emotionally exhausting set of events for no real reason! 

- Emotional surges are probably related to my next big symptom - INSOMNIA.  I wake up multiple times a night to pee, and more nights than not, I can't fall back asleep.  Since I need to wake up for 5:15 to get ready in time to teach summer school, it has been BRUTAL.  Last night I slept from 10:30 until 4:00 straight through and feel so much better today.  I can't wait for summer school to be over so I can sleep for the month of August. 

- Back aches and pain are minor.  Overall I can't complain.

- Leg cramps - another culprit for waking me up in the middle of the night.  Horrible leg cramps.  The other night I had one so bad I woke hubby up screaming from it.  He thought I was in labour and then proceeded to freak out.  It was kinda funny now that it is all over with.   I've tried everything to stop them...nothing seems to work.

- Constipation - yup. 

- General feeling of being overwhelmed.  With summer school, finishing the nursery, trying to research labour, and other necessary things, and being apart of this wedding in August, I'm overwhelmed.  I really just need summer school to be over so I can relax.  5 more days.  I don't know how I am going to cope come September when I go back to work :(

2nd trimester went by so fast.  I can't believe it.  I really can't wait to meet this new little one but I feel there is so much to do to prepare.  Hopefully things fall into place quickly over the next couple of weeks! 

Thursday, July 26, 2012

New Look

Playing around with the blog.  The old look was too gloomy for me...given our change of situation (ie we are expecting a baby and not mourning the loss of a pregnancy) I want something a bit fancier.  Blogger is pretty boring - but this will do for now.

Update coming soon.  In 3 days I will be in my 3rd Trimester!!

Friday, July 20, 2012

Baby pool and registry!

So last night I went out and started my registry! So much fun!! I loved picking out items for our little one. I am only having one shower for everyone so I put a lot of items on it. Hopefully people will buy from the registry and not on their own! I also created an online baby pool for people to guess what we are having and when he/she will arrive. If you want in on the fun go to Baby Pool   and fill it out! I think, since hubby thinks it is a boy and I am leaning towards girl, he and I should have this big bet or something....just to make things interesting! However, the wager should be good but I have no idea what we should bet- something baby related...any ideas? Things are still going well. Went for an appointment on Tuesday and everything is right on track. Movements are starting to increase - which I like! Hopefully soon a baby will move around all the time! I am getting so excited to meet this little one and be a mommy!!

Friday, July 13, 2012

Would you bring up your past?

Mel's post about her conversation with her daughter about miscarriage reminded me of our first prenatal class on Monday.  We had to go around the room and talk about our pregnancy and what we liked and didn't like.  I was open and told the group that "given we have had 2 losses, I'm being closely monitored and have a wack of medical appointments, so I would have to use busy to describe my pregnancy". I immediately got 'the look' from hubby and knew I was in for a tongue lashing.  He wasn't impressed I brought up our previous pregnancies with a group of pregnant women and soon to be dads.  It wasn't because I brought up our private history - but rather it was, in his mind, inappropriate and tactless.   

After reading Mel's blog about talking with her daughter while eating noodles at a restaurant, I started thinking about what Hubby said.  I guess it really boils down to how I see the situation.  In my mind, our losses are part of our story on getting where we are.  I can't talk about this pregnancy without mentioning the other 2.  If I were in Mel's shoes, I too would have an open conversation with my child (or anyone) in a public space and not feel guilty or weird about it. It isn't because I have this urge to honour my past babies, but more to talk about the struggles and journey we have been on to get where we are.  I can't just say "oh yea, I love being pregnant" when I'm terrified of something going wrong at each moment.  Hubby really shuts down when we start talking about our past in public.  He will usually change the subject quickly if it comes up when we are out.  I never really understand why.  It my mind, it isn't something to hide.  If talking about our losses makes others uncomfortable, than I don't really care.  I was the one who lived through the hell - not them.  My history isn't a secret and part of how I was able to heal from the past, was by talking about my hurt - to everyone and anyone.  I needed to talk to move forward.  That's why I don't feel it was a wrong choice to bring up our miscarriages at a prenatal class...but now I'm wondering if I am being tactless.  What are your thoughts?

Is our past something I should censor? Or should I be allowed to talk about our journey honestly and openly?

I don't really care about being on the same page as Hubby.  I'm just wondering if maybe he has a point.

All thoughts welcomed :)

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Why I hate Anterior Placentas and 24 week update

So my placenta is anterior.  This makes it so I don't feel my baby move all the time.  Right now, at 24 weeks, Dragon is just starting to get strong enough to kick/punch move where I can feel him/her.  Mostly these movements are felt down real my cervix, sometimes on my side, or sometimes not at all.  The placenta acts as a big cushion to soften the blows.  I couldn't WAIT to feel movement and although I do...I feel like I'm being cheated out of this whole experience because I can't feel movement all the time.  I hear other women complain about being kept up all night by baby movements, and I'm saddened because some-days I hardly feel anything (which at 24 weeks is apparently normal).

Also, because a lot of movement is felt down low, it scares me.  I sometimes think I'm having mini-contractions or something weird is happening.  After I spoke with my Dr she assured me that it is normal - baby is just head-butting my cervix.   GREAT!  Also, today my lower uterus feels so full - like a ton of pressure is being put on the lower part of my belly.  It has been uncomfortable.  Since I can't feel movement all the time yet, it makes for more worry than anything else. 

Monday I went for my 24 week ultrasound and it was amazing.  It's so incredible to see how big Dragon has grown in such a short period of time.  It looks like a real, fully formed baby.  Now all he/she has to do is get nice and big!  Baby is head down (hence the head butting my cervix) and his/her spin goes up along my right side of the body - which is prolly why I feel more movement on my left as that's where his/her arms/legs are.  The tech said that baby will stay head down now for the duration of the pregnancy!! Crazy!!  We saw baby kick me and punch me throughout the ultrasound and it was so weird not feeling anything.  Hubby is convinced he saw a penis when the tech was showing us the legs...I wasn't looking. I was just amazed by the head/arms!  So he's pretty certain we are having a boy.  I told him he doesn't know what to look for and she only had the camera at that angle for a few seconds so he's likely confusing the umbilical cord as a penis.  Who knows though!

Last night we went out with my mother-in-law to Ikea to buy the crib.  She was so eager to buy it was borderline pushy!  Hubby and I were talking about bedding for the twin bed that was going to be in the room, and she would pick it up and put it in the cart before we had even decided on anything! He was getting annoyed and although I was enjoying shopping knowing I wouldn't have to pay...I was getting frustrated too.  It was nice to see how happy she was to buy for her first grand-child but it was very odd.  We hadn't talked about a lot of the decisions we were making and he was getting angry at me.  Overall, we ended up getting the bedding and crib and that's it.  She would have bought us the whole Ikea store if we had an excuse as to why we needed it for the baby though!  Her excitement is nice - but scares the hell out of me!  I don't want a hovering mother or mother-in-law around when baby is born...if we can't stop her from spending a ton of the hell are we going to get her to respect our boundaries? 

It is crazy to think I have less than 16 weeks left now until our due date!!  Time is really going by fast!

Dragon at 24 weeks! She/He is sucking his/her thumb!
And a bump shot at 23.5 weeks!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Are you F**king kidding me???

I was browsing through  my brother's facebook page and came across this link.

Would Your Daughter use Abortion just to get Pregnancy Boobs? (Online Poll)

Obviously this isn't from a reliable source AND is a joke - HOWEVER - given that someone has written about it, it obviously was worth some merritt!

Can you believe it?  What the hell is our society coming to when people would even joke about abortions for bigger boobs.  No wonder the U.S and even Canada STILL in 2012 has the ongoing debate about women's rights and abortion.  I am pro-choice - but if there are bimbos out there who would actually, for even a split second, contemplate pregnancy/abortion for the benefits to their chest, it sets the woman race back to cave-man days.  No ... actually in cave-man days I'm sure woman were more intelligent.  The comments in the comment section blew me away more.

I can honestly say that my miscarriages deflated my boobs - not bring them to a voluminousness state.

It sickens me that topics like this could be worth joking about.  Is nothing sacred in this day in age?

Monday, July 2, 2012

A message from above?

This blog may not be some people's cup of tea, however I need to record these events for my own sake to remember.  I haven't really told anyone about this except my neighbour and she agrees it is good to record. It will be long - so kudos to you for reading till the end :)

I have faith, but am not necessarily a follower of any religion in particular.  If you pressed me hard enough, I would say that I believe in the Christian God, but don't necessarily follow the teachings of the bible.  I do believe that the deceased have an ability to communicate with the living if they should choose to do so.  Growing up, my mother would often (and continues to have) have weird paranormal sitings.  She talks about her experiences like she were explaining making dinner. It is just that common so it has been something I have always believed in. 

Going through fertility and pregnancy 'stuff', I have prayed to God, and my Maternal Grandmother to grant us a baby.  During the first 2 pregnancies, I always prayed, but never felt anything in return.  I never felt any presence - but given I have never really had any before, I figured it didn't mean anything. 

With this pregnancy, things have been a little different.  It started driving to work one day and I heard the song by Jason Mraz 'I Wont Give Up'.  I never listen to song lyrics, but in the car the song spoke to me.  I didn't hear the title or the singer so I had no idea how to hear the song again.  I would go on the radio stations website to see if anything would jog my memory - but never had any luck.  I never heard it again until a few weeks later.  In late January when I felt the lowest of the low, I just had a preliminary diagnosis of possible premature ovarian failure AND my mid-40's co-worker just told me she was 4.5 months pregnant, I heard the song come on the radio when I was at my desk bawling my eyes out.  I immediately went on the radio station's website and recorded the name and title.  It was such a huge inspiration for me.  I really felt like I had hit rocked bottom and here this song came on when I needed it the most.  It felt like it was a sign.  The words of the song spoke to me and my situation and I FINALLY let everything go to the universe.  It was refreshing.

 A few weeks later, we found out about the pregnancy, I thought about this moment and questioned whether or not the song was a sign that brighter things were ahead and that I shouldn't give up.  In the early weeks of my pregnancy, when the anxiety and fear became so great I didn't know how to continue, I would hear the song.  It may not have come on the exact moment I had a panic attack, but definitely when I really needed some sign that things were okay.  Below are accounts of hearing this song.  They all happened randomly - when I had no control over what was being played and when:
- a few times in the car when the worry or anxiety became too much to bare
- leading into my first ultrasound
- in the Dr's office going into my 11 week physical, where I heard the fetal heart beat for the first time, - after having a few days of spotting and not knowing if things are okay
- watching t.v on the day of  our 13 week ultrasound and the advertisement for Jason's new album came out (which plays this song) - this was the first time I had ever seen this ad and one of the last times (I watch this particular station all the time)
- After Hubby's mom gave me some mother's day gifts. I was feeling so overwhelmed and apprehensive in receiving gifts not knowing if things were going to be okay. I heard the song via my neighbours radio playing outside.
- and most recently after a visit with my mother and she spoke about her gender predictions and we chatted like this was really going to happen.  In the car home, I became really overwhelmed and started thinking about the 'what-ifs'.  Later that day, I went shopping with a friend and low and behold - the song came on the radio again.

You see - I NEVER hear this song play on the radio with the exception of the few times noted above.  It isn't one of those song that is always being played. One could argue it is coincidental and that I'm only looking for meaning behind it  - but since I have only heard the song when I NEEDED to hear it, I have to believe there is more to it than that.  There are times when I WANT to hear the song, when I would hope the next time I hop in the car it would play - but it never happens that way.  (Obviously, if I want to hear it, I simply YouTube the song - but these random occurrences are more than hearing the words.)  The days when I'm over thinking everything and I think to myself, 'If only I heard the song, then I would relax' are the days I don't hear it.  I only ever hear it when I'm not thinking about it and it just occurs and then I realize it is those moments that I needed to hear it. (If that makes any sense)

 I really feel that this song is a way for someone up above to let me know things are okay.  That I can't give up on this baby - or more importantly, this baby isn't giving up on me :)

For those who don't know the song - I've posted the link below: