When I don't think things can get any worse...they do. Currently we are dealing with:
- 4 month sleep regression from hell
- the 19th Wonerweek (first long one with a huge stormy period)
- 2 teeth almost ready to break through
- 1st Nursing Strike which leads to reverse cycling at night.
All at once. We were doing so well and now the last few weeks have been so hard. Everyone told me it gets easier after 3 months. I'm now learning that it is common for 4 months to "suck monkey butt" as a friend told me.
However, with all the negative come positives:
- my baby is so aware of her surroundings - interacting with Hubby and I more and the dogs
- She is SO close to rolling over
- she will have teeth!
- is able to play games like peek-a-boo and understand basic cause and effect.
I keep telling myself that 'this too shall pass'. I just wish I could have been more prepared for the hell that 4 months brings.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Why motherhood makes one egotistical
Lately I have really been torn between the 'Wait it Out' Sleep method, where we really don't do anything but nurture our baby and meet her needs - however inconvenient they may be and feeling like an utter failure for not following through and succeeding in sleep training. While talking with the social worker, she made me understand one thing - IT IS NOT ABOUT ME!!! Why do I feel like a failure because MY DAUGHTER doesn't fit inside a mold that someone somewhere thought she should? Of course I could do more, structure her day more, let her cry more etc etc and she would eventually 'get it'. But at what cost? Why do I feel like it is my inadequacies that are failing her, and not look at her as an individual with her own quirks that may or may not be responsible for the failed sleep training attempt?
I think mothers do this regarding everything. Feeding, sleeping, potty training. If our kids don't 'get-it' right away, then we feel like failures. However, sometimes the kids' needs need to be looked at and taken into consideration. For example, my neighbour was doing a potty training boot camp last month with her almost 3 year old son. He had a few successful pees in the potty, but many times he would pee his pants just after sitting on the potty every hour. It got to the point where he was refusing the time on the potty and getting very upset at himself and his parents every time he had an accident. After a day and a half, they gave up. He clearly wasn't ready as he couldn't associate the feeling of having to pee with actually peeing. Very hard to potty train if those two things can't be connected. One could blame the parents for not trying harder. Putting him on the potty longer or more often - however when the child resists and is becoming traumatized, it is better to quit and start again when they are ready. She blamed herself and I told her it wasn't her fault - he simply wasn't ready. It isn't as though he will be in diapers forever. Eventually, he will learn to use the washroom like everyone else. It just may take him longer. The same can go for sleep training. Like in all areas of development, babies mature in their ability to sleep. Some say rocking/nursing/bouncing etc are crutches that make it so babies will never sleep on their own. However, diapers can be considered crutches for toilet training. I have many friends who have told me that they remove the diaper because THEIR CHILD has initiated this step to them. Not because they decided their child is able to go without. Each child will learn how to sleep on their own. It may just take some longer than others.
The same theory can be applied to eating. When I was having major issues with supply and breast feeding, I was feeling like a total failure for not producing enough. However, my daughter didn't have the knack of sucking yet, so she wasn't doing her part either. It wasn't all on me.
Parenting is HARD. Because it is so hard, we take everything so seriously and blame ourselves for our child's development (or lack there of). There are A LOT of theories/resources out there (so many that if you are like me, you can drown yourself in information and loose your ability to listen to your gut instinct) and many theories work for many people. However, if your child doesn't fit the mold and the theories aren't working for your family, it isn't your fault. Now that you have a kid, it isn't all about you anymore!
I think for those of us who have gone through IF and loss, parenting and trying to do things 'right' is even harder. We couldn't control getting or staying pregnant, so we want to control our lives with baby. Truth is, baby sets the rules - no matter how hard we try to make it otherwise. Society (family/friends) tend to tell us what to do or make us think we are inadequate. However, evolution gave us instincts for a reason. The best thing I have learned lately, is to listen to your gut. You will know what's best for YOUR BABY. If that's following some plan, great. If it is waiting a while and then trying a plan - wonderful. Whatever works for you! If it isn't working, it isn't a reflection on you as a mom.
Nurshable.com is a blog I've been following about gentle parenting. If you are interested in learning more about the 'wait it out' method of sleep training, or about any other gentle parenting issue, I would highly recommend her blog.
I think mothers do this regarding everything. Feeding, sleeping, potty training. If our kids don't 'get-it' right away, then we feel like failures. However, sometimes the kids' needs need to be looked at and taken into consideration. For example, my neighbour was doing a potty training boot camp last month with her almost 3 year old son. He had a few successful pees in the potty, but many times he would pee his pants just after sitting on the potty every hour. It got to the point where he was refusing the time on the potty and getting very upset at himself and his parents every time he had an accident. After a day and a half, they gave up. He clearly wasn't ready as he couldn't associate the feeling of having to pee with actually peeing. Very hard to potty train if those two things can't be connected. One could blame the parents for not trying harder. Putting him on the potty longer or more often - however when the child resists and is becoming traumatized, it is better to quit and start again when they are ready. She blamed herself and I told her it wasn't her fault - he simply wasn't ready. It isn't as though he will be in diapers forever. Eventually, he will learn to use the washroom like everyone else. It just may take him longer. The same can go for sleep training. Like in all areas of development, babies mature in their ability to sleep. Some say rocking/nursing/bouncing etc are crutches that make it so babies will never sleep on their own. However, diapers can be considered crutches for toilet training. I have many friends who have told me that they remove the diaper because THEIR CHILD has initiated this step to them. Not because they decided their child is able to go without. Each child will learn how to sleep on their own. It may just take some longer than others.
The same theory can be applied to eating. When I was having major issues with supply and breast feeding, I was feeling like a total failure for not producing enough. However, my daughter didn't have the knack of sucking yet, so she wasn't doing her part either. It wasn't all on me.
Parenting is HARD. Because it is so hard, we take everything so seriously and blame ourselves for our child's development (or lack there of). There are A LOT of theories/resources out there (so many that if you are like me, you can drown yourself in information and loose your ability to listen to your gut instinct) and many theories work for many people. However, if your child doesn't fit the mold and the theories aren't working for your family, it isn't your fault. Now that you have a kid, it isn't all about you anymore!
I think for those of us who have gone through IF and loss, parenting and trying to do things 'right' is even harder. We couldn't control getting or staying pregnant, so we want to control our lives with baby. Truth is, baby sets the rules - no matter how hard we try to make it otherwise. Society (family/friends) tend to tell us what to do or make us think we are inadequate. However, evolution gave us instincts for a reason. The best thing I have learned lately, is to listen to your gut. You will know what's best for YOUR BABY. If that's following some plan, great. If it is waiting a while and then trying a plan - wonderful. Whatever works for you! If it isn't working, it isn't a reflection on you as a mom.
Nurshable.com is a blog I've been following about gentle parenting. If you are interested in learning more about the 'wait it out' method of sleep training, or about any other gentle parenting issue, I would highly recommend her blog.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
20 Questions
I decided I wanted to try to answer the PAIL inspired theme post - 20 questions. So here it goes!
.
- What was the last thing you threw in the garbage/recycling? Garbage from the car my hubby left behind. Wrappers of some sort.
- What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod? Right now, we have a Celtic Lullaby that plays every night. I haven't put my own music on in a while! Mumford and Sons is my go-to if I do.
- What is your favorite quote? "To Thine Oneself be True".
- What chore do you absolutely hate doing? Hmmm...vacuuming. We have 2 dogs and it always needs to be done...I hate it!
- What is your favorite form of exercise? When I used to go regularly I loved spinning.
- What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year? I'm a morning person, I love Saturday mornings when you know you don't have to go to work (or hubby is at home) and I love September
- What is on your bedside table? Don't got one...but on my dresser I have a whole pile of crap - and a ton of dust!
- What is your favorite body part? My eyes
- Would you use the power of invisibility for good or evil? Elaborate. I would probably use it to just escape. If I am in a situation where I don't feel comfortable, I would use it so I could just get away.
- If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be? Hmmm....not sure! Maybe 30. I like 30 - just don't want to get any older
- What is the first thing you would do if you won the lottery? Pay off debt!
- What is your biggest pet peeve? Noisy eaters. My dog barking
- If you could know the answer to any question, what would it be? ??
- At what age did you become an adult? I became an adult at a very young age...At 7 I was responsible for looking after my brother before and after school and making dinner when my mom was in the hospital. I don't remember having a joy-filled, care-free childhood.
- Recommend a book, movie, or television show in three sentences or less.The Red Tent (book) Most amazing, inspirational book I have read that celebrates womanhood in a way that no other story has done before.
- What did you do growing up that got you into trouble? Well my mother was a bit of a control freak so one day, I didn't wipe the counters and she yelled and slammed cupboard doors in my face...
- What was the first album you bought with your own money? Michael Jackson I believe
- If someone wrote a book about you, what would be the title? Looking for Acceptance
- What story do you wish your family would stop telling about you? Hmmm...not sure what stories they are telling.
- True or false: The unicorn is the greatest mythical creature. State your case. Not sure...I never really believed/became educated in any mythical creatures so I don't have anything to compare it to!
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