Thursday, January 23, 2014

The working momma

First off, I have to say that living in Canada we are SO LUCKY to be able to take 1 year off of maternity leave and receive a partial income for that year.  For mommas in the U.S and other countries that aren't so fortunate, I have no idea how you cope! 

Returning to work has been hard!  I find the demands of my job and the demands of being a mother (and a wife) so difficult to juggle.  Time for myself is very limited and sleep is basically unheard of. 

Being a nursing mother returning to work has been easier than I anticipated.  About 2 weeks into work I didn't pump on my lunch (I wasn't pumping for milk to feed...but just to comfort as H wouldn't drink BM from a bottle or cup.  I ended up donating over 100 oz to a momma in need as it would have gone to waste otherwise.  Pretty proud of that considering I struggled with low supply for so long), and I forgot to 'check' the girls to see if they were ok. When I did check, I had a clogged duct.  It was brutal! I ended up taking a day off as I came down with a nasty cold too and went to a physio-therapist to receive therapeutic ultrasound on the clog.  Luckily it drained and haven't had one since. *knock on wood*  I've since given up that pumping session and now I can go the entire day without needing to express.  It saddens me some as my supply isn't as plentiful as it once was, but I was assured last night by my LLL leaders that my body/boobs know what they are doing!

Coming home is an interesting endevour.  H can be happily playing with her daddy and as soon as I walk in the door, she starts crying and whining until we nurse.  The nursing session is a long one and she has a rather long period of cranky/clingyness before she starts playing again.  I hate this.  I wish she didn't have to make up for lost time.  However, we are very fortunate to have an amazing sitter who loves H and H loves going to see her. 

Food and cooking and cleaning have been a battle.  I hate cooking.  I wasn't a very good stay at home wife for the year I was off and didn't prepare meals on a regular basis.  Now, it is a struggle.  I try to ensure there is meat out each night so that we can do something for dinner.  However we are still eating take-out on a regular basis.  I wish we were more organized...but that just isn't the case.  Many nights it isn't the cooking that is so daunting...but the cleanup.

H has been falling asleep on her own when daddy puts her to sleep.  She still isn't sleeping through the entire night, but it has given me a new perspective.  It is amazing to have a few hours to myself at night and be able to spend time with hubby. Unfortunately my insomnia has been HORRIFIC.  Since returning to work I have had so little sleep and I think its because of the stress of work keeping me awake at night cause many times it isn't the baby. 

Overall, we are coping.  I wish I had heard more stories from people who returned to work when there babies were a bit older and how they coped.  I miss being off SO MUCH.  Hubby and I are officially in TTC land once again.  I'm trying not to be obsessive - but its hard to not go down that road.  Since I'm up for a lot of the night, I'm finding it hard to temp - but I hope to try again next month. Ideally we'd like to be pregnant in May/June.  But we are trying now cause it took us awhile the last time around so we figure we wont waste any time! LOL

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