Now that H is finally sleeping better (usually sleeps from 8-4:30/5 am and then goes back to sleep till 6:30/7) I have time for myself. With this 'free time', I'm finding it hard to find a balance for all the things I want to do, and all the things I need to do, plus spend time with hubby.
My job is very demanding. My toddler is very demanding. I wake up and take care of her, then after I drop her off I have a 20 min reprieve as I drive to work to only deal with people all day long needing the utmost care and attention. I then get another 20 min break as I drive home (with the winter we have had/having the drive isn't a break as its usually a snow-covered/drifty drive) and then I am momma to my toddler until she goes to bed. Once I get in the door, she demands to nurse. This nursing session is my favourite as its a wonderful way to reconnect after a day apart. But, it also means that as soon as I get home I am glued to her for at least half an hour. Once she lets me free, I have to make dinner, clean-up from dinner, make lunches for hubby and I and bathe her. All the while dealing with her shannanigans - like tonight where she feels the ground is on fire and filled with man-eating spiders and refuses to let me put her down even for a second to pee. Hubby helps where he can (makes dinner usually) but she doesn't want anything to do with him some nights. So by 7:30 when she goes to bed, I am wiped. I shower in the evenings so I don't have to worry about it in the morning, and usually that's the first time all day where I can unwind and relax. Now if hubby and I want to have intimacy time (and since we are officially TTC again we aim to do this 3-5x a week...but we aren't likely reaching our goals) this cuts into my evening and desire to veg. Since H wakes up between 4:30 and 5 - I usually wake up at that time and can't fall asleep. My insomnia is still pretty bad and if I wake up that early I'm usually up for the day. So by 9:00 I'm exhausted and needing to sleep myself.
So where do you find time for:
-exercise? I NEED to get into an exercise regime. I miss it. I need it for my emotional health. I need it cause I've gained weight from stress eating. I need it to feel good about myself. I need it to help me sleep. But when do I go? We have a bike in our basement to use, but I find it hard to even go on that when H clings to me for dear life when I'm on it. I also can't work out after she goes to bed as its too late for me.
-reading/watching tv: I love me a good tv veg session. This is one of the few ways I can turn off my brain and just relax. Once again...given my job I need this decompression .. but I'm finding it hard.
- see friends -
I love my daughter. I love my husband...but right now my momma duties and wifely duties are trumping my own desires. I also can't sacrifice sleep for my own needs as I can't function without sleep.
How does everyone else manage? I'm blessed that hubby and I are both home by 4 or 4:30 - so we have more 'free' time in the evenings than most. Yet I'm still feeling like I need more time to get everything in.