Sleep Training . . . on hold . . .

So I have this almost finished post unpublished where it talks about the 'success' we were having with sleep training this past weekend.  Our plan (created by a sleep consultant) was to put H to sleep (by nursing, rocking whatever) and then lay her down in her crib.  If she wakes up, put her to sleep again..repeate.  She feels that H is too young to cry alone, so we were starting off slowly.  The problem was, our daughter wouldn't sleep longer than 5-20 min.  I would constantnly be going in and putting her back to sleep.  This unknown schedule was giving me so much anxiety.  It affected her night sleeping as well and in the last 3 days of trying she has only had 1 good night.  I can't function like this.  I have been ill.  I'm not sure why.  So this morning when she woke up at 5:30 and wouldn't go back to sleep..I was beside myself.  I knew bringing her into bed was making things bad...but that's what I had to do.  Our sleep consultant said by not having night routine the same as day we were not setting her up for success.  We weren't ready to mess with night time as she was sleeping so well at night. 

So - today while crying to my grandmother and texting hubby ferociously, I am putting training on hold for awhile.  I need my baby to sleep.  She needs to sleep. Our little one has no self-soothing skills and I wasn't confident that this plan would even really do anything except make her really overtired and get her some-what used to sleeping in her crib during the day.

The real issue is WHY this whole thing, the unexpectedness and unpredictability of it all bothered me so much.  She wasn't crying - everytime she woke I put her back down.  So I can't blame hearing her cry the reason why I was so bothered.  But honestly for the last 3 days I feel sick to my stomach.  Literally.  It is nuts!  We had a groove and I guess I really needed that groove for things to feel okay.  I know it wasn't sustainable as my back is starting to kill and hubby and I don't get time with each other - but it was something I could count on.  Now, the unknown of it all is throwing me into a dizzy.  As I sit here with her in the ergo, I wonder if I made the right choice ...but thining of fighting with her all day for naps is just too much to handle.


I hope in time, she matures and learns to sleep better- but from what I read, I think we are going to have to help the situation some.  I don't think this weekend was a waste as it made me realize the work involved and will prepare me for when we are actually willing to sleep train.   We'll just have to wait and see. . .