My good night sleeper is gone and nowhere to be found. I have made myself sick over this. I even went to the hospital and talked to a PPD social worker about my feelings. I haven't been able to eat or stop crying. She told me that it was serious sleep deprivation and not PPD causing my problems get sleep and everything will work out fine. So last night, Hannah curled up beside me like she always does and nursed to sleep. Her and I fell asleep together and when daddy tried to transfer her, she woke up the first time but stayed sleeping the second only to wake up an hour later. So, instead of fighting with her, I brought her into my little cocoon and there she and I both slept all night long. Her suckling me for comfort/food and me holding her tight. When my boob fell out of her mouth, she would let me know and I would help her relatch and we would both fall asleep. At 5:00 I thought that this had to end, and she would sleep in her own bed. I was successful at transferring her into her bassinet, however she was incredibly restless. She wasn't happy being by herself, so I opted to bring her back into bed with me and she mellowed out. By doing this, I didn't get a single moment of time for myself (normally she would sleep for another 3 hours after waking where I could pump and just have 'me' time) but we were both well rested. This has made the world of difference. I emailed our sleep consultant about her sleep regression to see what she says. Her response was defensive saying she has never heard a baby regress so badly from starting a sleep training regime (especially one that was aborted so quickly). She told me that since I'm not getting sleep anyways, that I should plow through and do the sleep training program so that I can get sleep again in a weeks time. I partially believe her..however, something in my gut is telling me that my daughter NEEDS me right now. Either trying to separate her from me for a weekend (for naps) caused some separation anxiety or it is completely unrelated but I think she is telling me she needs to be with her mommy right now. I am the one with the issue - not her. She sleeps for 2+ hours at a time in the ergo carrier and last night she slept all night long - didn't get up to cry or need consoling. So really I'm the one with the issue. I was surprised with our consultants response - as she also identifies herself as an attachment parent and puts on attachment parenting workshops too. If she was an attachment parent expert, wouldn't she have suggested that she is just needing mommy right now and to keep the training on hold...not rush into it?
Sleeping is such a 'hot' topic and I have literally made myself sick with worry. Everyone else is making me feel I'm doing something 'wrong' by wearing my daughter and co-sleeping. I may change my mind next week - but for right now I think I'll try and put myself intune with my daughter and listen to what she is trying to tell me.