Welcome first time readers from ICLW. Just to give you a brief history (for more detailed account, go to the My Journey page). Hubby and I tried for one year prior to getting pregnant last April. In June, at our 12 week ultrasound we discovered the fetus had died at 9.5 weeks. In October, we had another unexpected pregnancy, only to find out at a 6 week ultrasound that it was a blighted ovum. December, I went through the gammet of fertility testing to discover my FSH levels were through the roof. In February we had another unexpected pregnancy. At 9 weeks we went for an ultrasound and saw a perfect forming and developing fetus. At 11 weeks, the dr was able to detect heart beat via doppler. I'm not 12.5 weeks and just waiting for my next ultrasound on Tuesday.
Over the last few days, I have become so anxious and scared about Tuesday's ultrasound. It is unreal. Every day I analyze my stomach to see if a bump is forming/has grown and every symptom or lack there of I think could be a sign the fetus is no longer with us. I'm terrified of relieving the nightmare we went through last June - even though I know the baby has progressed further along this time than with the first pregnancy. My nausea - which gave me comfort in the past - is no longer comforting me. In fact, the fact I'm still nauseous concerns me as I think maybe the fetus died and now my hormones are stagnating at that level where I'd still be nauseous. If I were progressing, than shouldn't things have subsided by now? I'm still quite nauseous most days. My breasts are not really tender consistently. In the morning my 'bump' is pretty much soft and easily retractable with sucking in, but by night it is firm and hard and round. Last week I was constipated for the beginning part of the week, then started to have loose stools ending with diarrhea (Sorry for the TMI) by the end of the week. I'm trying to determine what it all means, but I just can't. It is so frustrating. If I were innocent, I would have rounded the 12 week mark celebrating the end of the first trimester and not worry about what symptoms or lack there of I was experiencing. Now I'm so scared and unsure of what to expect....which has been consistent throughout the entire pregnancy. I can logically talk myself out of most of my concerns, however that logic doesn't stay long. I hope, wish and pray Tuesday gives us good news once again!!
Oh the joys of RPL and infertility and the anxiety that goes along with it.