Welcome first time readers from ICLW. Just to give you a brief history (for more detailed account, go to the My Journey page). Hubby and I tried for one year prior to getting pregnant last April. In June, at our 12 week ultrasound we discovered the fetus had died at 9.5 weeks. In October, we had another unexpected pregnancy, only to find out at a 6 week ultrasound that it was a blighted ovum. December, I went through the gammet of fertility testing to discover my FSH levels were through the roof. In February we had another unexpected pregnancy. At 9 weeks we went for an ultrasound and saw a perfect forming and developing fetus. At 11 weeks, the dr was able to detect heart beat via doppler. I'm not 12.5 weeks and just waiting for my next ultrasound on Tuesday.
Over the last few days, I have become so anxious and scared about Tuesday's ultrasound. It is unreal. Every day I analyze my stomach to see if a bump is forming/has grown and every symptom or lack there of I think could be a sign the fetus is no longer with us. I'm terrified of relieving the nightmare we went through last June - even though I know the baby has progressed further along this time than with the first pregnancy. My nausea - which gave me comfort in the past - is no longer comforting me. In fact, the fact I'm still nauseous concerns me as I think maybe the fetus died and now my hormones are stagnating at that level where I'd still be nauseous. If I were progressing, than shouldn't things have subsided by now? I'm still quite nauseous most days. My breasts are not really tender consistently. In the morning my 'bump' is pretty much soft and easily retractable with sucking in, but by night it is firm and hard and round. Last week I was constipated for the beginning part of the week, then started to have loose stools ending with diarrhea (Sorry for the TMI) by the end of the week. I'm trying to determine what it all means, but I just can't. It is so frustrating. If I were innocent, I would have rounded the 12 week mark celebrating the end of the first trimester and not worry about what symptoms or lack there of I was experiencing. Now I'm so scared and unsure of what to expect....which has been consistent throughout the entire pregnancy. I can logically talk myself out of most of my concerns, however that logic doesn't stay long. I hope, wish and pray Tuesday gives us good news once again!!
Oh the joys of RPL and infertility and the anxiety that goes along with it.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI'm a first time visitor through ICLW. I'm sorry to hear what you've been through, but want to offer my congratulations on your current pregnancy. You'll be in my thoughts on Tuesday.
Best wishes,
Casey
You anxiety sounds totally normal considering what you've been through! Have you considered getting a doppler for your peace of mind? I mean I'm sure you have, but I'm saying, if I were you in your position I probably would get one!
ReplyDeleteHere from ICLW. I would be a nervous wreck too, but try to maybe enjoy the time...I know this will be very hard to do, so I will try to practice what I preach!
ReplyDelete12 weeks being the end of the first trimester and the end of the nausea is a myth. Most of us didn't feel better until the REAL end of the first trimester which is 14 weeks (unbeknownst to me until I actually made it to 12 weeks and STILL wasn't out of my first tri!). Don't stress the nausea is STILL A GOOD THING, it means you're still pregnant =) And somewhere in the 14-15 weeks you SHOULD start to feel a bit better. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI don't have any advice for making it through till the next ultrasound. But I will say that everyone and every pregnancy is different. Your morning sickness may not subside for awhile and your bump will probably change as time goes on. All up to your body and the baby. What I do know, though, is that thinking about it is enough to drive yourself crazy. So go find some distractions!! And if those thoughts come, give them their time, but then go find some relief. Fingers crossed for Tuesday
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to let you know I think about you often and keeping my hope for tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, hun! Acknowledge your anxiety but don't let it get you down!
ReplyDeleteI know, that's easier said than done...
I had my last regularly scheduled appointment at 8 weeks (when we saw a heartbeat), and my next one is tomorrow at 13 weeks. 3 weeks ago I broke down and asked for a an in-between appointment, because I was so afraid that maybe my baby had died. I got an appointment a week later, and everything was fine. And still I'm not only looking forward to seeing baby again - but also afraid that it might not be alive tomorrow.
And don't worry about the nausea - on my message board, there's a couple of girls who are still fighting nausea well after week 12.
Fingers crossed for your appointment - and that you'll be able to enjoy your pregnancy better when you see that everything is alright!
Ugh....I felt sick and had digestion/diarrhea/constipation all the way through....but baby was ok. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteFirst time visitor from ICLW. Just wanted to stop by and wish you the best of luck tomorrow with the ultrasound. I'm sending you positive thoughts. <3
ReplyDeleteAll the very best to you...Your being a nervous wreck is understandable!
ReplyDelete#24
Don't get hung up on nausea being a sign or symptom of something. I had it the entire 9 months with my daugther and over 7 months with my son.
ReplyDeletenice to meet you, congrtas on your bfp!
ReplyDeleteiclw
I can commiserate with the stressful ultrasounds. I think I may have ultrasound PTSD.
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