Friday, May 25, 2012


Sometime after my 16 week OB appointment, I became attached.  I think it started when my grandmother took me shopping for maternity clothes or when I finally told my whole department at work.  But, I can honestly say I am now attached to this Dragon baby and am dreaming about the day of when I get to meet him/her rather than scared to death of loosing him/her.  Of course this means that in the back of my head I feel like I am jinxing myself - that because I have embraced this pregnancy and am getting excited, something will go wrong. However, hearing constant reassurance from people telling me that I'm "out of the woods" helps.  Although I know, being apart of this community, anything can go wrong at any time.  I really just need to focus on what can go right.  Being and staying positive is incredibly difficult for me.  Overall, I'm not a very positive person.  With my history, I know I have a right to be jaded.  However, it is time to be happy right?   I think I'm starting to feel Dragon move - however the movements are inconsistent and days will go by without feeling anything.  Thinking that maybe the baby is still here, moving around makes me so incredibly excited.  I long for the day when I get kicked and punched all the time that I'm sore.  I can only hope that happens sooner rather than later.  Also, knowing I get to see my OB every 2 weeks helps as I know I will hear the heartbeat which will help ease my mind.

I go for my 20 week ultrasound on June 13.  This just happens to be the EXACT day last year when I went for an ultrasound and found out my baby had died.  The ultrasound landing on the same date has me quite perplexed.  On one hand I am terrified that this day is cursed for me and that on June 13 I will yet again find out something is wrong with my baby.  On the other, I think it is kinda magical that I have a chance to redeem June 13 for me - that one year later I will see my beautiful, healthy baby and will have confirmation everything is okay and I wont have a dark cloud hanging over me on this date.  I have to believe the latter will be the case.  Luckily I see my OB 1 day later so I wont have the torture that I had last year after my ultrasound in fighting for care if something is wrong.  We wont be finding out the gender - it really doesn't matter to us and we (I) want the surprise.  However, finding out our baby is healthy and all internal organs have developed properly will be a dream come true.

I am so happy to hear that many of the Dragon babies are sticking around - but incredibly sad to know we have lost 2.  My thoughts go out to the mommies who are suffering from that hurt right now.


  1. So glad to hear you've become attached! Good luck with not finding out the sex on that ultrasound, it was hard to look away from the screen!!!

  2. You have no idea how happy reading this makes me!!! You are enjoying and embracing your little dragon! Keep it up! I believe the date will have a new happy meaning.

  3. I didn't realize our ultrasounds are the same day! One week! We can make it!