Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Overwhelmed and Betrayed

Half hour ago I was on the verge of tears.  Actually, on the verge of hyperventilating from confusion and fear.  I'm a bit calmer now - but am still very overwhelmed.

I just had my appointment with the endocrinologist for my thyroid.  In short, she said that thyroid readings are very subjective in some situations and given I'm pregnant, my thyroid levels coupled with thyroid anti-bodies indicate a lazy thyroid and she has put me on a rather aggressive dose of Synthroid to get my thyroid stabilized.  Apparently new studies show that if you have a lazy thyroid while pregnant, your baby could have a lower IQ.  Given I work with students with disabilities - this scares me! 

All this information is very overwhelming.  I feel like it could have all been 'fixed' before 18 weeks pregnant!  Why didn't my fertility specialist pick-up on my thyroid anti-bodies?  Also, in the fall when they tested my thyroid, I am wondering now if there could have been something that would have triggered concern had she looked at it more closely?  Apparently, my numbers as they are right now, do not suggest a lazy thyroid to a 'normal' woman not looking to become pregnant.  So could tweaking have occurred earlier on?  I feel betrayed that when I EXPLICITLY asked her about the RPL blood work, she told me it all looked okay!  It WASN'T! This could have been treated earlier and not risk the chances of my baby being born with LOW IQ!! 

Also, with a higher TSH and knowing my FSH was high - this denotes a possible auto-immune issue.  The Dr today said it could be a possibility but they aren't going to explore it right now given I am pregnant. 

Oh - my B12 was low.  Something I have struggled with since I was a teen.  Could that have indicated something was up years ago?  Dr only told me to take vitamins - nothing more.

Overall, I have so many questions - like why was no-one ever willing to investigate anything further.  If it wasn't for my natropath, would this all have been missed too? Hubby says I should just be grateful I have a team of doctors working on my behalf now who ARE dealing with things and not to think about the whys from the past.  I know he's right - but could some of the heartache and pain I experienced over the last 2 years been alleviated?  And where do we go from here?  Obviously short-term goals are having a healthy baby - but once baby is born, do I loose out on all the specialists support?  Or will I be able to still be monitored and checked out to ensure things are good for potentially future pregnancies? 

I talked to my natropath and she agrees with going on Snythroid and she will help with the B12.  She also says she can help with auto-immune issues.  So at least I know I'm going on the right course of action.  She was able to calm me down again.  Hopefully everything is okay and Dragon is a healthy, relatively normal IQ baby! (I don't need an Einstein! LOL)


  1. Breathe lady. This is a lot of scary information and I completely understand why you're overwhelmed. It sucks that all of this is coming up now and to know that all of this could be the root of all your struggles. Add in the fact that this could affect your child, and it's completely understandable that you're angry. I'd be angry beyond belief.

    Your naturopath sounds like she's got control over your situation and is to be trusted. So rely on her. Ask her questions and work with her to figure out what questions you and DH should be asking the doctors. Hold them accountable for what's happening now and work with them towards getting through the second half of your pregnancy. I understand where you're coming from with the long-term goal, but I also think it's a lot to process at the moment. One thing at a time.

    Hang in there. I'm thinking of you and sending you a hug.

  2. Take a deep breath. You are being taken care of now. I know getting all that info is upsetting, but I hope you can relax and enjoy the pregnancy. Hugz!

  3. How frustrating! I don't blame you for having a bunch of questions. I'd be asking myself the same things. I hope that the doctors will be able to answer them for you!

    Baby G's brain had a cyst on it when we went in for his 20 week ultrasound. The doctor said there was a chance it could mean he'd have down syndrome. Even though he said it wasn't likely, it was hard not to think about the challenges that would bring. I think the doctor just wanted to warn us so we weren't surprised later on.

    The good thing is that they said *could* not *will*! Did your doctor tell you what the chances are of your baby having a low IQ?