Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Body Image and Pregnancy

Throughout my entire life I have struggled with my body image.  Having a mother with anorexia, I have grown-up in a home where body image and the food obsessions were apart of my childhood for as long as I can remember.  As a child, I was very heavy.  When I hit puberty, I lost the weight - and then I stopped eating lunches, and I lost even more.  When my mother found out she was furious.  In high school, I gained some of  it back but since my early 20's, I've been consistently the same weight.  Since university, I would work out.  If not to control my weight but to give me peace of mind.  I always felt better about myself if I worked out - even if it were 1 day a week.  I wouldn't say I grew out of my body image issues, just came more content with how things were.

Now that I'm pregnant and into my 2nd trimester, you would think my body image issues would be creeping back.  They are - but in a totally new way.  I am obsessed about my tummy getting bigger.  There's nothing that would make me more happier than if I put on a pair of pants and they NOT fit.  Like I've mentioned before, I've lost about 10 lbs in the first trimester.  I think most of this is due to going gluten free.  My clothes are all big -although I have been relatively the same size, I have changed shapes over the last few years as my gym routine has changed.  I am cheap so I don't buy new clothes often and just wear my older, baggier pants.  Therefore, the logical part of my brain KNOWS it will be awhile before my pants are too tight.  However, each day that goes by that I can still fit into my old pants, is giving me a complex.  I want a bump so bad.  I don't care if it just looks like I've gotten fatter.To me, pregnancy is a sign of beauty that I want to possess.  It is an image I strive to obtain. 

 Or...maybe I just want to have proof that I have a baby growing inside me.Given my nausea has subsided some, there are days that I don't feel pregnant at all.  I still need reinforcement that everything is okay.

  Its funny, I hear and read about women all the time having a hard time coping with gaining weight and dealing with a growing waistline.  I definitely wont be that woman!  Right now, I just want to experience it all!!


  1. OMG.. I am so with you on this. I lost 8 pounds during my first trimester and even now at 14 and a half weeks.... haven't gained a pound yet. I am not showing at all. Like zero.

    I know our time is coming and soon we will be complaining about having a huge tummy to maneuver around. I can't wait. :)

  2. My body issues extend only as far as I felt terrible when wearing non-maternity clothes now that I'm showing. I feel like, I want to show off this bump so people know it's a BUMP and not that I'm gaining weight. That's the hard part, is being in that middle stage, when it really doesn't look like a bump no matter how nice people are trying to be (ha!).

    With singles sometimes with your first maintained pregnancy apparently it can take people a pretty long time to start showing. :/ You might not really start having a bump until like 18 weeks. But then you will have a really amazing and cute little round bump :D :D

  3. I loved my pregnant self! I was finally comfortable showing my stomach off instead of trying to hide it to make it look smaller than it was.

    Now that I've had my baby though...I'm back to where I was before I was pregnant. Self concious. Although, I have to say that my boobs do look amazing right now, so that's a plus :)

  4. I haven't lost any weight during my first trimester, but neither did I gain much (a bare 2 pounds, by now up to 4 pounds). I started out a bit overweight, so I do have a belly - which is starting to simulate a baby bump and making me look a couple of weeks further along than I actually am ;-) Also, I haven't been able to wear my regular jeans since week 13 because they simply got uncomfortable.

    Yet despite the differences: I'm totally with you on this!
    I can't wait to finally have a real baby bump, one that will make this miracle more real, that I will be happy and proud to show (as opposed to the flab bump, which screams to be hidden).
    Yay for our coming baby bumps!

    And it's really, really good to hear/read you sounding so positive :-)

  5. I'm not pregnant yet, but I'm the same way in wanting to have a belly. I can't wait! I already have a belly being overweight so it will probably be a while before I look pregnant.