Throughout my entire life I have struggled with my body image. Having a mother with anorexia, I have grown-up in a home where body image and the food obsessions were apart of my childhood for as long as I can remember. As a child, I was very heavy. When I hit puberty, I lost the weight - and then I stopped eating lunches, and I lost even more. When my mother found out she was furious. In high school, I gained some of it back but since my early 20's, I've been consistently the same weight. Since university, I would work out. If not to control my weight but to give me peace of mind. I always felt better about myself if I worked out - even if it were 1 day a week. I wouldn't say I grew out of my body image issues, just came more content with how things were.
Now that I'm pregnant and into my 2nd trimester, you would think my body image issues would be creeping back. They are - but in a totally new way. I am obsessed about my tummy getting bigger. There's nothing that would make me more happier than if I put on a pair of pants and they NOT fit. Like I've mentioned before, I've lost about 10 lbs in the first trimester. I think most of this is due to going gluten free. My clothes are all big -although I have been relatively the same size, I have changed shapes over the last few years as my gym routine has changed. I am cheap so I don't buy new clothes often and just wear my older, baggier pants. Therefore, the logical part of my brain KNOWS it will be awhile before my pants are too tight. However, each day that goes by that I can still fit into my old pants, is giving me a complex. I want a bump so bad. I don't care if it just looks like I've gotten fatter.To me, pregnancy is a sign of beauty that I want to possess. It is an image I strive to obtain.
Or...maybe I just want to have proof that I have a baby growing inside me.Given my nausea has subsided some, there are days that I don't feel pregnant at all. I still need reinforcement that everything is okay.
Its funny, I hear and read about women all the time having a hard time coping with gaining weight and dealing with a growing waistline. I definitely wont be that woman! Right now, I just want to experience it all!!