Mel's post about her conversation with her daughter about miscarriage reminded me of our first prenatal class on Monday. We had to go around the room and talk about our pregnancy and what we liked and didn't like. I was open and told the group that "given we have had 2 losses, I'm being closely monitored and have a wack of medical appointments, so I would have to use busy to describe my pregnancy". I immediately got 'the look' from hubby and knew I was in for a tongue lashing. He wasn't impressed I brought up our previous pregnancies with a group of pregnant women and soon to be dads. It wasn't because I brought up our private history - but rather it was, in his mind, inappropriate and tactless.
After reading Mel's blog about talking with her daughter while eating noodles at a restaurant, I started thinking about what Hubby said. I guess it really boils down to how I see the situation. In my mind, our losses are part of our story on getting where we are. I can't talk about this pregnancy without mentioning the other 2. If I were in Mel's shoes, I too would have an open conversation with my child (or anyone) in a public space and not feel guilty or weird about it. It isn't because I have this urge to honour my past babies, but more to talk about the struggles and journey we have been on to get where we are. I can't just say "oh yea, I love being pregnant" when I'm terrified of something going wrong at each moment. Hubby really shuts down when we start talking about our past in public. He will usually change the subject quickly if it comes up when we are out. I never really understand why. It my mind, it isn't something to hide. If talking about our losses makes others uncomfortable, than I don't really care. I was the one who lived through the hell - not them. My history isn't a secret and part of how I was able to heal from the past, was by talking about my hurt - to everyone and anyone. I needed to talk to move forward. That's why I don't feel it was a wrong choice to bring up our miscarriages at a prenatal class...but now I'm wondering if I am being tactless. What are your thoughts?
Is our past something I should censor? Or should I be allowed to talk about our journey honestly and openly?
I don't really care about being on the same page as Hubby. I'm just wondering if maybe he has a point.
All thoughts welcomed :)