I am very discouraged right now and in need of some positive thoughts/energy sent my way.
Saw my O.B yesterday. Given my increase swelling before she even examined me she was talking about induction. Although I didn't want to be induced, I was okay with this topic of conversation given the pain/discomfort I have been feeling. She then weighed me, and I gained almost 7 pounds in just over a week (red flag number 2). She then took my blood pressure and it has gone from 100/60 last week to 120/90 this week. She said that it was high and wouldn't want to see it any higher (the 90 is the issue here I guess). However, I had no protein in my urine (thank god!)
She then did the internal..thinking I would be at least starting to dilate to then determine the best course of action for induction...boy was she wrong! Baby has actually gone UP rather than DOWN since last internal. Baby's head is down, but is sitting kinda sideways - not quite posterior but not anterior either. She said baby needs to rotate and drop. She can't induce if baby's head isn't engaged or it wouldn't really do anything.
I go back on Monday to see where things stand. As long as my blood pressure doesn't go up...she's willing to allow me to wait. I never really discussed my birth plans on here, but I really, REALLY do not want interventions - especially a c-section. I am TERRIFIED of an epidural. I know a healthy baby is the best outcome, but given all we went through to get here...I would just like to experience a 'normal' delivery. Even hubby said last night, why can't this one thing be typical.
So not only does it look like I'll be pregnant forever, but now I'm fearful that my body will fail me in allowing me to have a natural delivery.
I'm also worried that all this talk, I'm preparing myself for the worst. I am really needing to 'throw this to the universe' and hope that it will take care of me. I cannot dwell on the blood pressure issue - because if I do, I know I will inevitably make it so that the worst possible outcome (for me) will happen. So how do I stay calm and just believe that baby will rotate and drop? How do I will my blood pressure down and not up? I have been walking a ton (did 6 kms yesterday) and do many of the exercises out there for getting baby to go into optimal position. I know I can do more, but I also know that this is something I can't control.
Please send positive thoughts my way. I know for some, a c-section is inevitable or even a preferred choice. I don't begrudge or think poorly of women who go down that road. I know that if it has to happen, it will happen. I just want the opportunity to TRY on my own first. This is important to me...right wrong or indifferent, I know I would feel like a failure if I don't get that chance.