I am very discouraged right now and in need of some positive thoughts/energy sent my way.
Saw my O.B yesterday. Given my increase swelling before she even examined me she was talking about induction. Although I didn't want to be induced, I was okay with this topic of conversation given the pain/discomfort I have been feeling. She then weighed me, and I gained almost 7 pounds in just over a week (red flag number 2). She then took my blood pressure and it has gone from 100/60 last week to 120/90 this week. She said that it was high and wouldn't want to see it any higher (the 90 is the issue here I guess). However, I had no protein in my urine (thank god!)
She then did the internal..thinking I would be at least starting to dilate to then determine the best course of action for induction...boy was she wrong! Baby has actually gone UP rather than DOWN since last internal. Baby's head is down, but is sitting kinda sideways - not quite posterior but not anterior either. She said baby needs to rotate and drop. She can't induce if baby's head isn't engaged or it wouldn't really do anything.
I go back on Monday to see where things stand. As long as my blood pressure doesn't go up...she's willing to allow me to wait. I never really discussed my birth plans on here, but I really, REALLY do not want interventions - especially a c-section. I am TERRIFIED of an epidural. I know a healthy baby is the best outcome, but given all we went through to get here...I would just like to experience a 'normal' delivery. Even hubby said last night, why can't this one thing be typical.
So not only does it look like I'll be pregnant forever, but now I'm fearful that my body will fail me in allowing me to have a natural delivery.
I'm also worried that all this talk, I'm preparing myself for the worst. I am really needing to 'throw this to the universe' and hope that it will take care of me. I cannot dwell on the blood pressure issue - because if I do, I know I will inevitably make it so that the worst possible outcome (for me) will happen. So how do I stay calm and just believe that baby will rotate and drop? How do I will my blood pressure down and not up? I have been walking a ton (did 6 kms yesterday) and do many of the exercises out there for getting baby to go into optimal position. I know I can do more, but I also know that this is something I can't control.
Please send positive thoughts my way. I know for some, a c-section is inevitable or even a preferred choice. I don't begrudge or think poorly of women who go down that road. I know that if it has to happen, it will happen. I just want the opportunity to TRY on my own first. This is important to me...right wrong or indifferent, I know I would feel like a failure if I don't get that chance.
Oh my gosh I wish I could offer you advice, but as you know, I haven't gotten there yet. It sucks when it seems like nothing ever goes according to plan! I hope that some of the BTDT moms will have some good advice for you. Just know I am thinking of you and definitely sending positive thoughts your way. Hugs!!
ReplyDeleteGood news is you are being closely monitored to keep you and baby safe. If you feel like your bp is going up over the weekend, head to the hospital. Keep calm and carry on ! Once baby is in your arms you'll forget all about how he or she got here.
ReplyDeleteI am sending you so many good thoughts. As you know, I had a c-section at 37 weeks on the nose because of intra-uterine growth restriction and a breech baby. I was disappointed that I never got to experience labor. I have never felt a contraction, and my birth (like my conception) was very clinical and even cold. (literally, cold, because an OR is about 60 degrees!)
ReplyDeleteI understand your fears BUT...but but but it really won't matter once little one is here. I promise to you. The first time you hold your baby, it all falls away. A c-section isn't ideal, it's not, and it's a hard recovery. But if that's your worst case scenario, then you're still in really good shape. : )
I was dealing with some of these same feelings. I'm 35 weeks, but have a giant breech baby who my doctor thinks likely can't descend into the birth canal even if we successfully turn him. I'm disappointed, but I have to hold on to what I've been saying all along which is that what really matters is a healthy baby.
ReplyDeleteI think what's helped me the most was giving up on 'normal'. For one, there is no such thing as a normal delivery. Birth is unpredictable, with inherent risks to mommy and baby. Interventions may not seem ideal, but they are exactly what mitigate these risks. I understand wanting to try on your own, because I’d love that opportunity as well, but I think it’s important to look at the positive sides of your most feared outcomes because feeling like a failure is no way to start the life we’ve worked so hard to achieve with baby.
Just sending you some good thoughts! Don't worry. There still is time for things to change and work out just how you always wanted. Maybe acupuncture can help move baby to the right position?
ReplyDeleteI totally get it. I have low-lying placenta and they are talking about a c-section for me too. I'm bummed but know whatever will be will be. As for helping get the baby into position, are you seeing a midwife? They often have natural options for stuff like that: exercises on hands and knees, acupuncture, etc. It's worth looking into!
ReplyDeleteSending you good thoughts!
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel about the c-section. I knew I had to get one because Baby A was breech. And now thinking back on the birth, when I talk about the day the babies were born I never say that I "gave birth" since I don't really feel like I did. The doctors performed a surgery on me and my babies were born. They did choose the day on their own (my water broke so that was that!), which I am grateful for. But I still feel a sense of loss over not "giving birth." Maybe this is just a weird mental hangup I will get over eventually, who knows.