Today hubby and I had to attend our mandatory counseling session for our investigation cycle. The counselor is apart of the fertility clinic team and everyone going through IF testing has to attend. We've had this appointment booked since August. I have another appointment booked with another counselor through my family dr on Friday. Friday's counselor is free - if we followed up with today's counselor it would be a fee for each subsequent visit (today's was covered in the consultation costs).
The verdict - I am clinically depressed (ya no shit!). She reiterated this statement over, and over again (as if I didn't hear it the first time). Stating I need to go see the counselor on Friday and if my mood gets super dark again like it did on the weekend, hubby is to take me to emerg. (so suicidal thoughts aren't okay...got it!). Apparently my childhood and upbringing don't help matters - anorexic mother, abusive step-father, alcoholic father, brother's both dabbling in drugs and one also seeking counseling for his own 'issues' shows a sign of family depression that I'm very much prone too. You know things are bad when your therapists eyes bulge out of her head when you start talking - very matter of factly- about your childhood.
I have a feeling things are going to get worse before they get better. If I have to start 'dealing' with my past, the hurt I've repressed for all these years is gonna come out and it ain't gonna be pretty. I've avoided counseling for a long time because of this. Now, the grief with the miscarriages is forcing me to go and finally deal. Yuck! She suggested anti-depressants if things don't get better soon - I'm a little hesitant in going on them. We'll see.
I'm impressed with hubby through the session. He was very honest - which I'm surprised. Especially when the drinking question came up. He gave an honest answer. Now will he follow the suggestions of the counselor we'll see.
Friday will be therapy 2.0. It will just be me attending and it will be interesting to see how she starts the session. Apparently I have a lot going on that needs to be 'fixed'.
On the upside I have a new job prospect for the New Year. I've been hired on to teach part-time at the community college in the educational assistant program. Will be a nice distraction from baby-making, added money (which we need now that hubby is laid off for the next 4 months) and a professional development opportunity that I haven't had in awhile. Should be interesting.
*Oh and for those who have given me a new award - thanks! Once I feel up to it, I'll do a post on it!*