This post will read more like a stream of consciousness - as I don't really have the strength to do much else and I need an outlet right now.
I thought I was doing better - but now I am not. I sit here, on a Saturday night feeling so completely alone. Hubby has moved to the spare room as he cannot stand my behaviour anymore. I am pushing him, along with everyone else away. I am watching myself sabotage my own life without the ability to stop it from happening. I pick fights at every opportunity and then yell at him for abandoning me. He can do no right and now I got what I wanted - to be completely alone. I feel so dead inside nothing is helping to bring back joy. The smallest tasks, feel like mountains that I cannot overcome. Everything is overwhelming me and I feel like I have completely lost control. I wish the universe could just swallow me up and take me away. I don't feel like I belong here anymore as there is no one who can help. I just want the pain to end. I want to be myself again and I don't see how that will happen. Why did this set-back happen?
The holidays are just bringing more reasons to be sad and angry than joy. I just wish it could all go away.
When will the pain end? Will I ever feel like myself again?