Update

Please-if you know me in real life, please keep what I'm about to say to yourself. Do not share this information with anyone else and do not talk to me about it until I'm ready to share the news. This is my space to vent and do with it as I need. Thank you for respecting my wishes.

Just thought I'd give a quick update.  

Spotting was a one time thing.  Not sure if I just aggravated my cervix with the progesterone applicator that morning or if it is a sign as to what's to come on Tuesday.

My nausea has kicked into high gear.  I usually throw up once or twice a day - while living in a constantly nauseous state all day long.  However, my breasts are not sore anymore. Not at all.  This is causing me some pretty high anxiety as the loss of this symptom in my last pregnancy made me think something was wrong.

I'd like to think that everything is okay.  With the ultrasound so close now, it is all becoming so real.  I'm so scared that it will result in another heart ache.  I haven't had any luck in the past with ultrasound appointments.  My last 3 have only given me bad news.  So I have no idea what a good news ultrasound will be like.  This scares the hell out of me.  

Hubby is home in 48 hours.  I can't wait for him to be here.  I'm also afraid that my body is just holding out until he's home to truly fall apart.  Like a miscarriage wouldn't happen while he's away, but then once he's home and I can relax, all hell will break loose.  

Or everything can be perfect and Tuesdays appointment will result in an amazingly positive, happy time for us.


I just have to focus on that right?