My heart is breaking right now for blogger Courtney who has just lost her rainbow baby. It seems like everywhere I turn, there are more bloggers experiencing heart ache. I often frequent the LFCA each Monday to see what's going on, and am often upset by the hurt some women are experiencing. Given my own history, I know how incredibly healing writing and receiving support from women who have been in the trenches has been for me. However, I'm starting to think that late 2nd or 3rd trimester losses are commonplace and that baby loss is a norm rather than a freak occurrence. I'm at a crossroads right now, wondering how I should proceed.
Hubby has often said that I need to stop reading about what could happen based on the accounts of others and start thinking about how normal this whole pregnancy thing could be. He thinks that by dwelling on others losses, I'm enabling myself to live in perpetual fear and therefore not embrace this pregnancy like I should. On one hand I think he is 100% accurate. On the other, I think that knowing what can happen is powerful so that I don't get my hopes up too high.
How does one separate the two? How do you read and support other women who are going through hell, while still maintaining your own sanity and not succumb to the fear that their world can fall on you too? Is it a weird form of sadism that I gravitate to reading blogs of others who have experienced so much heartache? Or am I just trying to be supportive and gain a wide-spread blog readership? It is funny, not once have I ever looked for blogs that pertain to families who conceived normally and had no complications. My reading list is comprised of women who have children with special needs, have had loss, are struggling with IF or have just had a baby after IF or loss. According to my list, it would seem that it would be a miracle to conceive and have a normal, healthy baby in a timely manner. I'm loosing touch as to what normal is.
I love the work Mel has done in helping create this wonderful community for women to gain support. However, I'm wondering if it is time I back away a little. If the community that is supposed to provide comfort and reassurance, is, by its very nature, creating anxiety and fear, doesn't that defeat the purpose?
I don't really have any answers and I guess it is completely a personal choice. I'm assuming that many women deviate and find their own path after they no longer need the support from the IF/Loss community, but I'm not sure I'm ready to do that. It feels like I just joined and that in all respects, I'm still an amateur in the whole world of blogging.
I guess time will tell. In the meantime, I wish all of the ladies experiencing pain, strength and support during this difficult time. I am thinking about you all.