Sunday, January 1, 2012

In Memory

If things had been different, today would have been my due date for my first pregnancy.  We saw the heartbeat at 6 weeks, but found out that the fetus had died when we went for our 12 week ultrasound.  Although we had a second pregnancy and loss since, I still  mourn for our first loss as there actually was a baby growing. 

The following is a poem I wrote after the loss.  Since I passed the fetus at home, we planted a memorial garden and we buried the tiny fetus and the poem with it.  We wanted to honour the life we so preciously loved.

Will the pain of loosing you ever go away? 

You were our first, so desired and wanted and loved. 

We were so happy and excited to plan our lives with you in it, so filled with joy

We saw your heart beating; we celebrated the life that you would become

The family that we would be

The love that we would share . . .

Our hopes and dreams were embedded in your everlasting desires

And then our world came crashing down when we realized the life we were celebrating was taken from us

That you were gone …

Never to meet you, play with you, sing to you or hold you

But to always love you . . .

To hold you in a special place in our hearts

To cherish life

To love one another

To find strength to move forward and live life without you in it

We will miss you . . .


  1. Amanda, sending you lots of hugs today. I think the memorial garden is such a beautiful way to honor your baby. I wish I could have done something like that. Thanks for sharing your poem - it made me cry. ::hug::

  2. I'm so sorry for your losses, Amanda. I cannot begin to image how terrible it must be to lose a baby after seeing the heart beat - simply losing a pregnancy shortly after a BFP is so hard already.
    The memorial garden is such a wonderful idea. Sending you hugs!