Saturday, January 7, 2012


Yea - I guess January was a bad time for this.  With the recent news - it feels like I have been hit by a Mac Truck  - again.  I really don't 'feel' like blogging anything inspirational.  All it will be is an update on how I feel.

So I told some family members about our news.  My grandmother (who I have always been very close with before TTC) was like "maybe it isn't in your plan...have you ever thought of that?" and my mother - get this - said that all the women in our family have had a very easy time conceiving and that maybe I did something by going on the pill!  WTF? She actually blamed me for being on the pill!  So my family is kinda cut-out.  I have been texting my mother so she 'gets it' a bit more on how shitty this whole situation is.  But otherwise, they aren't there for support.  My mother keeps throwing adoption at us - like why haven't we looked into it more, gone through the motions.  As if one is an easy substitute for the other.  It isn't.  We aren't opposed to adoption, but it just wasn't something we ever considered.  We need to think about all our options seriously. 

I had a great talk with my neighbour last night and she said that above all, I want kids to have the family I never had.  I think she was so right.  I want a family - not just a baby to love and protect - but a family.  Like in 30 years down the road, I want a house full of my kids with their kids and wives etc.  I want that.  I think making the decision to go childless would be easy to handle until we reach that age where we are older and alone.  I dunno - like always I'm probably over-thinking everything.  I need to just wait until I get my results back and hear what the Dr has in terms of a plan.  Patience - definitely not my strong point!

In the meantime, I'm trying to stay positive (yea right...I'm saying I am...but I'm not).


  1. The decision to adopt or to live child-free is not an easy no, nor should it be taken lightly. Yet time and again, people use the "just adopt" card when confronted with someone who is dealing with infertility. It's never about the infertile couple; it's always about the advice-giver wanted to quickly resolve the situation without giving a lot of thought into what they're actually saying. (Kinda like the people at funerals who always say "So-and-so's dying is for the best.")

    I'm really sorry your mother pulled the "just adopt" card on you and that your grandmother was less than supportive. It sucks that they aren't able to support you in the manner you need. We're here for you, though. And I have hope that thinks will work out in the near future for both of us. In the meantime, sending you lots of hugs.

  2. I know just what you mean about wanting a family, all the kids and their families coming home to see you.

    I hope things get better with your family being more understanding.

  3. That's never easy when someone keeps throwing that in your face instead of really sitting and listening to your situation and letting you talk it out. "Just adopting" or "just try ivf" or "just..." is not a decision that anyone else can make for us and unfortunately everything is more drawn out than just being able to jump right on any of those options. Sorry they aren't supportive. Try to surround yourself with people who are, the ones who at least try to understand.

  4. I get it. There are some people that for the life of them just can't get it.
    It's hard to explain to someone who has no infertility issues what it means to be able to have your own go through pregnancy and see that miracle grow. They just immediately throw out "just adopt". YOU adopt! It's not as easy as just adopting. You have to be ready for something like that - give up your initial dream and even then adoption takes a while and can be very difficult.
    I am so sorry about your miscarried babies, I know what it feels like. I wish I could help you, but I can barely help myself half the time. We're all here in the IF world, you just have to reach out and find us.
    (here's my link)

  5. It is so hard when the people you look to for support, don't. We are always here anytime you need us. I know without this community I would still be where I was months ago, depressed and feeling alone. Sending you good thoughts and praying you find peace and strength while you make your big decisions.