Yea - I guess January was a bad time for this. With the recent news - it feels like I have been hit by a Mac Truck - again. I really don't 'feel' like blogging anything inspirational. All it will be is an update on how I feel.
So I told some family members about our news. My grandmother (who I have always been very close with before TTC) was like "maybe it isn't in your plan...have you ever thought of that?" and my mother - get this - said that all the women in our family have had a very easy time conceiving and that maybe I did something by going on the pill! WTF? She actually blamed me for being on the pill! So my family is kinda cut-out. I have been texting my mother so she 'gets it' a bit more on how shitty this whole situation is. But otherwise, they aren't there for support. My mother keeps throwing adoption at us - like why haven't we looked into it more, gone through the motions. As if one is an easy substitute for the other. It isn't. We aren't opposed to adoption, but it just wasn't something we ever considered. We need to think about all our options seriously.
I had a great talk with my neighbour last night and she said that above all, I want kids to have the family I never had. I think she was so right. I want a family - not just a baby to love and protect - but a family. Like in 30 years down the road, I want a house full of my kids with their kids and wives etc. I want that. I think making the decision to go childless would be easy to handle until we reach that age where we are older and alone. I dunno - like always I'm probably over-thinking everything. I need to just wait until I get my results back and hear what the Dr has in terms of a plan. Patience - definitely not my strong point!
In the meantime, I'm trying to stay positive (yea right...I'm saying I am...but I'm not).