A revelation

I WILL stay positive!

I have nothing else to loose but everything to gain if I do.  There are people out there who believe positive thinking can change anything - even you DNA. (My husband and friend have been engaged in a heavy email conversation about DNA and evolution based on their esoteric research - kinda boggles my mind!)

I can't live depressed anymore.  I must keep persevering.  I have to have 'faith' in my own body to know that at 29, I can hold off early menopause for a few years.  Otherwise - it is ruining everything.  Last night hubby and I tried to get romantic and all I could think of was that I was super hot and that it could be a hot flash and that I was starting menopause.  I realized this morning that I can't let it bother me in all aspects of my life.  I need to find 'peace' with everything - or at least until I get more results back.  I have too much on my plate right now with starting to teach a new course at the college and with my own classroom with a change of staff.  I need to focus on work and not on anything else.  Otherwise I am gonna have a mental breakdown.  So on the way to work this morning I decided I was just going to be positive (which isn't like me at ALL).  No more doom and gloom.  If we get pregnant - great - if not, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  I am YOUNG and I have MANY years to figure all this out.  My age isn't necessarily a reflection of how many years I have to have a baby myself (cause it may not be that many) but to figure out my life with this decision.

So for today - I am positive and happy (well I'm exhausted but that's the pitfalls of going back to work after 2 weeks holiday).