Talking to a co-worker today about her daughter-in-law's pregnancy, it became painfully obvious how innocent the act of baby-making, pregnancy and delivery are to many women.
Getting pregnant is the act of having unprotected sex. Trying for awhile - in many people's terms is for 3-4 months. Pregnancy is about dealing with the inconveniences it causes - sickness, weight-gain, inability to drink etc. Delivery is a choice of dr vs midwife, home vs hospital, epidural vs natural.
When you have had 2 losses, almost 2 years of trying and a nasty diagnosis of Premature Ovarian Failure, you have lost your innocence - 3 x.
Oh how I wish I could turn back time and just enjoy the act of trying. As if, by being positive, I could have changed my outcome.
I wish, when I was pregnant, I could have rejoiced in pregnancy bliss and not worried every moment that something was wrong.
I wish I could fulfill my dream of having a circle of supportive women around me when I give birth (midwives) and have an intervention free delivery. Now, I think I would be stupid to not have the most qualified Dr's around near me as who knows what could go wrong when it happens.
Although my innocence was taken from me and I know way more about the physical aspects of making a baby that go well beyond sperm meeting egg, I still have hope. My loss of innocence has made me stronger. It hasn't broken me nor will it. I will survive.