If you know me in Real Life - I am about to disclose information that is incredibly private. I have pondered for days on whether or not I should post this, as I know there are a few people I know that still read this blog. Please, Please respect me and my wishes to A) Keep what you read private and not share with anyone B) Not bring it up to me in ANY way shape or form. I will continue on believing that this is being shared with a wonderful IF community and not necessarily anyone I know. This space is for me to share my thoughts and feelings and I need not censor it for anyone. Thank you for respecting my wishes.
IF is a club I never wanted to join. As you have followed in my last few posts, I have really been soul searching and wondering if in my situation, did I bring about pain and suffering on myself. This month, I feel I really came to peace with everything. Since many of you are still struggling, I have wondered if I should post this information or not. However, once again I need to be true to myself. This is a space for ME to write about what I need to write about and gain support from those who can relate in any way-shape-or form.
Now with all the disclosures out of the way....
Last week, I felt exhausted all week. I thought it was because I didn't have a day to rest the weekend before. By Tues. I was beyond exhausted. I felt ill. So I took Wed off to recoup. Well, since Hubby is off right now too, Wed was a wired day of constant bickering. I felt he was doing everything in his power to piss me off. Hubby was getting quite annoyed at my antics and said that I needed to POAS as he figured I could only be this bitchy if I were pregnant. I tolled him that comments like those are unfair. My period wasn't due to start for another week!
Friday I woke up and had a weird feeling in the back of my throat. I figured since we had 2 parties to attend on the weekend that I should POAS just to ease my mind. I took the test and jumped in the shower fully expecting for it to be negative when I came out. I knew I was testing early - but didn't really know how early. To my ultimate surprise - it was positive! I was in shock! It was really, really light so I thought maybe it was a testing error. I pondered to go to my RE office and get blood taken, or wait till Sat to take another test. I figured to end the questioning and go get my Beta's checked. Sure enough, the blood work confirmed my pregnancy!
After work, I went to see my natropath. She knew where I was in my cycle based on our appointments we had that month. I was CD 23!! I couldn't believe it. On Sunday I went in for another beta test. The nurse gave me my numbers from Friday - 14.7. She said it was really low. That this either was caught early, or it will be a non-viable pregnancy. Geez...thanks for that! A couple hours later I got the call - my Beta numbers more than QUADRUPLED!! They were 71.6 - on CD 25!! The nurse - who normally is very factual and not empathetic (who told me a couple hours earlier that this may not be a viable pregnancy) was very excited! In all my pregnancies I haven't heard this type of excitement from her at all!
To put things into perspective - with my last pregnancy, I went in for blood on CD 30 or 31 and my first Beta was only 29. So to be in the 70's on CD 25 is making me very excited!
I have hope. I have excitement. And each morning when I POAS - the lines are getting darker! My natropath said that 2012 is the year of the Dragon. Dragon's are supposed to be the strongest and luckiest in all the Chinese signs. I can only hope that these high numbers mean my dragon baby is growing strong and going to be my take home baby this fall.
I go again for another Beta test tomorrow. Please keep your fingers crossed for another gigantic leap! I'm aiming for 300 (not that I have any say in things at all!)