Two days ago when I woke up, I had a little spotting after I went to the bathroom. But it never reappeared the rest of the day. This morning, I had a little more - but after the first bathroom visit of the day, it stopped. Now the logical part of my brain is telling me that it is simply my body doing its thing trying to get ready to menstruate after the miscarriage - but the irrational, baby obsessed part of my brain is saying "implantation bleeding?" And just like that, I'm fully baby preoccupied again thinking about all my symptoms. I am doing a fairly good job at pushing them all out of my head, but they are there - lurking around waiting for the moment where I'm not focused on something else, to pop right in and distract me from everyday living. Blargh! I really don't want to be pregnant - so why am I thinking about this now? I really want to go for the testing first as I think I would drive myself absolutely crazy thinking about all the 'what-ifs' if I were pregnant without going for the testing.
To help myself focus on other things aside from baby making/pregnancy, I have decided to create some goals to work towards. These will hopefully make my life a little more balanced.
1. Get back to working out regularly and eating healthy. I remember I used to be pretty focused on working out. I wasn't an elite athlete by any stretch - but I enjoyed pushing my body. However, I'm currently dealing with a shoulder pain and hip pain that I have been battling for years. They both have flared up and since I have grown tired of physio - I really don't know what else I can do to alleviate the pain. Right now, icepack, tiger balm and monthly massage are the techniques I'm using. Maybe I'll be brave and try chiropractor. This week I have already gone to the gym 3 times!! Once the gym routine is down pat, I can work on my eating! Cutting out sweets is definitely necessary!
2. Reading - I love to read. Being an English Major reading has been a huge part of my life. Except recently. Picking up a book does nothing for me. It isn't because I don't have any books to read, I'm just too lazy to read them! However, the last few nights I have opted to read rather than watch tv.
3. Work - I figure it is about time I catch up on all the things I slacked off on before. I need to get more organized and on-top of a few things.
That's it for now. 3 things to focus on. 3 things totally unrelated to babies (well not directly related at least). I have also made a dr's apt to see my family dr so I can get a referral to a counselor. All in all, things are going okay. I did cry a little this morning as I was thinking of Christmas and how I was going to be 1 week away from having my 1st baby, but it was just sadness, not debilitating depression. Shortly after a few tears fell, I got back into the swing of things and went on with my day. This is a HUGE improvement from before!
Oh - on another note - I have reached over 1000 viewers! Yea! Thanks for reading!