Soldiering on

Hubby and I were talking the other night about how he is coping with everything.  He just said he is 'soldiering forward' and told me I should do the same.  Easier said then done when all I want to do is curl up on the coach and not face anyone or do anything. However, over the last few days I have set very simple goals that I force myself to achieve.  If I accomplish these goals, then I give myself permission to sit on the coach and do nothing. 

Saturday the goal was getting apples at an orchard located 40 min from my house.  A drive I despise doing and really didn't want to go.  However, the orchard sells apples by the bushel for really cheap.  They work out great for snacks for my students.  Since we have been out for a couple of weeks, I really needed to replenish the supply.  I also told myself I needed to go grocery shopping.  Since the miscarriage, we haven't gotten groceries and pretty much been living on take-out.  So Saturday morning we both woke up early and I convinced hubby to go with me to the orchard.  On our way home, we took the dogs for a run (wasn't on the goal list but an added bonus). Once we got home, hubby decided to clean the gutters and I cleaned the patio.  After dinner, we both went grocery shopping.  Although I had a few melt-downs over the day where I would just start crying, I did accomplish the things I set out to do and a few additions.  It felt good.

Today I set out to go to the gym.  Food and I have a love hate relationship.  Lately I have been eating my way out of the depression I feel.  However, by eating whatever I want (usually chocolate related) I feel guilty and sluggish.  I need to start replacing my eating for comfort with working out.  Before I got pregnant I would go a few times a week; however whenever I got pregnant I would stop.  Now I need to get back at it as I know it will make me feel better.  So today's goal was to go to the gym.  I set a fairly modest work-out routine for myself so I wouldn't feel overwhelmed.  It felt good to go back and accomplish the goal I set.  I also ended up taking the dogs for a walk and went shopping for a bit with a friend.  Once again, accomplishing more than I set out to do. 

Before, I would just do everything that needed to be done without putting a lot of thought into it.  Now, since I don't want to do anything, I need to prioritize what is important and do it.  I think that is the only way I will feel better.  'They' say you really need to take one day at a time.  I never really understood that notion until now.  I know that things will get easier, but for now I am Soldiering on, one day at a time.